Saturday, August 13, 2011

My Bad, Again, and Other Incidents

Saturday.  And in spite of horrendous weather forecast, it's a "really should be outside" weather.  But I'm inside.

On Monday, I went to the bank to hash out the "rogue" withdrawal and it turned out to be my error; I used the "business" checkbook rather than "personal" and I used the first check from the new checkbook they sent me as they felt I was approaching the end of my current one.  But they should have noted the check number, the bank noted.

I think I'm getting used to most things being my fault; statistically that's been the case in the last few years; if not my fault, then my not understanding the whole story.  I think I was half sensed this was going to be the case as early as last Friday evening.  Is this what getting old feels like, like I never have the whole picture, or did I never have the whole picture but believed I did? Anyway, I feel frustrated and angry every time I'm "made" to feel as if I'm imposing my ineptitude and foolishness on the world.

Earlier in the week I was feeling overwhelmed, like everything is an imposition on me and my time for the last couple of weeks and I'm so angry so often.  Last Friday morning I was overwhelmed I was going back to drawing, loosing one-half day per week, and I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing.

As well, I've been physically unjustifiably tired.  A week ago, I didn't want to get out of bed most mornings, I wanted to go back to bed all day.  My body feels like it's suffering from an electrical fault because it feels tingly and a few nights I wake up startled, my body tingly like a Christmas tree all lit up.  Even if I exercise, (mild and quick) or walk, (not quickly but for hours around town.)

Earlier this week I knew that if I didn't watch out, I was going down a slippery slope, so I made myself do things all week.  I made lists of things I should do, not the overly long perpetual To Do lists, but only things I should take care of soon.  Like wash dishes.  And I carried it around.  I had too many things for one day, but I got to choose from it, and though I managed only two or three things per day, and I had a hard time getting started every morning, I did manage to do something every afternoon.  And on the loom, I ended up more productive than my "normal" days.

From Tuesday to Thursday, I managed to weave two Log Cabin scarves on the Jack, besides the two false starts that included various greens, proving once again I'm really not a green weaver.  I dressed the big loom with a cashmere warp for the first time.  That loom requires so much loom waste I was too stingy to use my cashmere yarns on it until now, but I have a few projects in many shafts that I want to weave in cashmere; these are gifts and art swaps so I don't have to consider prices.  As well the big loom as a whopping big shed, requiring the yarns to stretch quite a bit, and because my 100% cashmeres are foamy-stretchy and break easily, I did a sample weave very gingerly, advancing the warp every half an inch or so, and trying to keep the tension as loosely as I can tolerate.  I could train myself and get used to it, or, I could use the cashmere/silk mix in the warp as it is a little less prone to break. 

This sample was woven at 15EPI; I figure City Light can go ahead at 16, (but in woven samples I'm suddenly not too keen on the fussiness of this draft,) and Tim's maybe as close as 18. I hadn't fine-tuned Mom's draft to sample yet, but that also takes place on this warp and I wanted to see the the pale green and blue-yellow weft colors at the very far right of the sample. 

For City Lights I had my heart set on Silk/Cashmere, (the middle part where the weft didn't shrink much), but in real life, I like the far right pale gray sample the best.  I'm disappointed the black, (far left) nor the white, (between black and silk-mix) didn't produce a more attractive effect.    For Tim's, I like the two paler wefts, and the palest is a slightly thicker yarn so it helps to make the circles more circle, not oblong, as the draft intended.  Ben likes the far right brick orange best, and that was the one I had in mind at first; I'll sample this one at 18EPI later.

Yesterday was session 2 of 10 for this term's drawing, and for the very first time we had the model J. Now J has been modeling in Ronette's class for decades but she works in the mornings so never made an appearance in my class in the last three years.  She not only does she know how to pause and hold the pauses, but she and Ronette need not talk to understand each other and the class took on a mood of being co-taught, or even one of a class of chicks being watched lovingly by two mother hens.  Even Ronette looked more relaxed after class than usual.  And J promises she will make occasional appearances Friday mornings.  Bliss! 

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