Saturday, September 13, 2014

Goodness Me, All the Noise! (Or Still In Between)

The last time I posted pictures of something woven, other than what I did in Kaz's class, was in May, but make no mistake I'm a weaver; contrary to some speculation, I'm not jumping ship to drawing/mixed media; they are my hobbies. (But you already knew this from the previous post which was supposed to come after this one, right?) I worked hard so far and have too much stash not to remain a weaver. Plus I luuuuuve weaving.

That said, I have been in such a limbo I'm sick of it.
* Between last September and April, after I came home from Japan I was doing alright mixing weeding, weaving and drawing. Even with the protracted problem with eyeglasses throughout January. 
* March/April, my hip started hurting but I didn't connect it with many broken cashmere warp ends.  * Came May I decided to concentrate on the drawing (exhibition), which was hung in early July. I can't remember what I focused on during the three weeks the exhibition was up, but after it came down at the end of July, I prepared, de-prepared and re-prepared for the Australia trip.
* In August, I was in Australia for two fun weeks.
* For the remainder of August Ben was home and we had one of the coldest spell this winter and didn't do much.
* The first week of September I had a pretty bad case of common cold and spent four and a half days in bed.
* This brings us to this past; Monday - Thursday I weeded between two and five hours every day. I was too tired to do much else, except housework and some cooking. I did work on the postcards, and drew once. I ran errands in town yesterday.
* Next Wednesday marks one year since I've come home from Japan. It's important to me that I know I've done some things. 

My right hip is not 100% and it got bad in Sydney, and then last Tuesday morning I woke up to it throbbing. I've been recommended a miracle osteopath but he's so popular my booking is at the end of October. I'm in pain only once in a while but I'd like this over with. Knowing the current many-grays warp is problematic and because I'm afraid of hurting myself again, I'm so reluctant to get back on the loom bench.

I feel compelled to finish the three mixed media pieces first so they don't hang over my head, but I don't have a dedicated space nor half the material I used in class. Seth continues to help me, but I can only get on limited, low-end media in town, which is fine as regards quality, but I get dissimilar and even shocking results so the "progress" has been between bumpy and stalled. I work on the postcards looking for a breakthrough, but it's not happening.

Luckily, I have reached that stage with mixed media where even though every new book, download or free online class promises to solve all my mixed media problems and then some, I know I have all I need to practice and make stuff, so I've been selective in my purchases. Like buying yarns to match to reduce stash.

I have lovely notebook-making and weaving ideas, but trying not to think about them (until I finish the uncompleted projects) has been like eating veggies before meat. Up to the point I went to Kaz's workshop I was focused on weaving so I thought I could handle a bit of fun mixed media, but they gave me so many ideas and I've been drowning in colors, textures and noise.

From time to time I am such an unsavory grumpy old hag, especially on the telephone, I even surprise myself. I've almost picked fights with two call centers in two days and I regurgitate the conversation over and over in my head, even though I know I'm no victim. Many shouty, fast-talking young people are doing their job, though they do shout and talk fast. To be sure, accents are not a problem for me. But when a cancelled appointment turns up at my door when I'm delirious from low-grade common cold fever, I ignore the gentle knocks and stomp around the house insulting call center staff. And my quick wrath surprises me; I've seen the same in Dad, wonder if we share a chemical problem, even.

I love living a weaving-focused life, and I don't like going into town unless I must, but when I am with humans other than Ben, sometimes I try too hard to fill the space with words, and I regret it almost immediately. Then, it's hard to like myself much.
(Blind, quick contours from tiny pics on the Internet or the telly.)

Still finding it hard to grow up.

6 comments:

  1. Meg, it is scary to read your post which mirrors my summer almost exactly except that I went on a natural dye course in France with the excellent Michel Garcia. And I am ignoring my hip as much as I can! My head is full of new dye stuff, the frustrations of not being able to do what I really want to get on with as life keeps getting in the way. I need to start drawing, the weeds are taking over the planet in our garden and what makes it worse is that our neighbour's garden is like a municipal park - even his water lilies grow in a straight line! We need to get out there but I've just had a small pre-cancer removed from my face and am not supposed to be outside between 10-4...I just found your post spookily resonant. Not to mention the burden of the stash I will never use if I live to be 150, but can't quite bring myself to start passing on to others....

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  2. I remember you taking off to France shortly after your anniversary (??) leaving your husband to mind the critters, Jane. I'm sorry to hear your season has been as sucky as mine. I suppose one way of looking at it is that it can't get much worse for us, but I also know I'm not that optimistic. Let's work as much as we can, (and exactly that, as much as we CAN comfortably, but not more,) because that's more than what we did in the last little while. And stash? Don't worry, someone else can take care of it after we go; we won't be around to feel embarrassed.

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  3. Oh my dear, HUGS! This growing up business is not for sissies! Take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You are worthy of forgiveness and you are allowed to make mistakes. These two things, I find, are the hardest things to grant myself. Anyway. Love you lots. More HUGS.

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  4. Suck, suck, suck, eh, Star? How many mistakes before I "get" it??

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  5. Great post. It really resonates in so many ways with how I operate but I haven't got the hip pain, which I am grateful for. In case you forget - I like you very much - so don't worry if you don't like you sometimes. I struggle enormously with this kind of thing and I guess I will always. Being a weaver grounds us to something beyond beyond the chatter and bubble of the normal world. We're lucky that we got to this place somehow.

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  6. Hi, Kaz. Yes, it's good weaving consumes 110% of my mind. Or even this paint thing.

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