tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post6139374382271681464..comments2024-03-09T10:15:11.266+13:00Comments on Unravelling: Missing DadMeghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01350447919000146804noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post-18491253376901622182013-04-26T10:32:04.963+12:002013-04-26T10:32:04.963+12:00You know the phrase. "Daddy's little girl...You know the phrase. "Daddy's little girl"? Never, ever got it, though he might think he treated me thusly. Very sad all around; who would have thought ours was such a non-communicative family; we are all talkative, funny, and in varying degrees, gregarious, at least part time. And until I was almost 40, until a Kiwi friend pointed it out, I thought Dad's orders were genuine father-to-daughter communication. <br /><br />I'm good. After the last three stints, I've learned to see us for who and what we are. Don't plan to change anyone else, (OK, maybe Mom,) but I'd like to do my best so I have no/less regrets when the time comes. Meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01350447919000146804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post-63736841238363341482013-04-26T10:03:16.428+12:002013-04-26T10:03:16.428+12:00I'm so sorry you've never been able to rel...I'm so sorry you've never been able to relate to your Dad in a satisfying way. But don't blame yourself...there is no blame, it just is. You're different people coming from different frames of reference and never the twains shall meet. Perhaps all you really can do is just BE with him when you're there, just share space together with no expectations. It may not be enough for him on a physical level, what with his need to be obeyed, etc. But on a spiritual level, which is where it really counts, I'm guessing his soul will be satisfied with your presence.<br />Sorry you're having to go back again so soon, if only because of the disruption to your "regular" life. Sounds like there's a lot of work ahead for you and your family, and I hope things get resolved as quickly and smoothly as possible.<br />xo Cate Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04079028386218370915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post-9308507096033172062013-04-26T09:41:18.504+12:002013-04-26T09:41:18.504+12:00I think the most disturbing/annoying/aggravating/s...I think the most disturbing/annoying/aggravating/saddest thing is whenever I talk/write about my Dad, I <i>think</i> I am being objective/analytical, but it's all about what an absolutely difficult person he is. And he cannot have been all that horrible if I can feel sad about not being a better daughter. I know he wasn't. <br /><br />My parents used to think it was the over-Westernization of my attitude/outlook. I'm keenly aware I have a lot of my dad's traits, among them a real mean streak, and I wonder if this becomes overly active when it comes to analysis/rebuttal/self-justification/retaliation. Scary. Just thinking out loud. Meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01350447919000146804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post-16390385845565325672013-04-26T09:18:38.512+12:002013-04-26T09:18:38.512+12:00You write beautifully of these difficult things, w...You write beautifully of these difficult things, with love and care for your family members. These difficult adjustments are known in so many families, in different cultures. It is tough when love does not make it any easier to communicate, maybe sometimes more difficult.Dorothyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06488670649558382921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post-23961237910386586922013-04-26T09:03:53.782+12:002013-04-26T09:03:53.782+12:00I did come on over to catch up a bit. You should ...I did come on over to catch up a bit. You should not be so hard on yourself... If that's possible! I know that I revert to a 15 year old sometimes when I see my folks. It's hard to sort through all of the emotions, but at least you are there in the thick of it all. I'm glad that you will be going back again. And, you have to think about whether efforts to communicate are more for your benefit or for his. Just being there is probably enough of a message for him of your concern and care for him.<br /><br />Well, I am on the outside looking in. I just hope you can find peace... Big hug!Rachel Bielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14804950102480086440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27254015.post-26056352176056141312013-04-25T22:19:53.673+12:002013-04-25T22:19:53.673+12:00Sounds like things are going to be tough for you a...Sounds like things are going to be tough for you and your family for a while. And that the distance from New Zealand to Japan is going to feel further at times. <br /><br />Adjustment within family units is hard. The parents who nursed us as children, become the ones being nursed. The children who they picked up from their falls, become the ones doing the supporting. This takes a lot of accepting on both sides, and is a challenge. Talking about it - in real life, or via a blog - will help. Others will support you in whatever way you need it. And as a wise friend said to me recently, don't forget to look after yourself as wellJanehttp://jane.dallaway.comnoreply@blogger.com