A friend who is in arts has been sick of life in arts; she reckons it shouldn't be so hard. For some months/years, we cooked up ways for her to generate exposure and income, and in the past we had fun because many of what we discussed could apply to me. But her recent sense of entitlement is making me bored. I feel guilty I'm married to man with a day job, who is OK with me doing what I do; I feel she always leaves me with homework even though that's not her intention; I feel terrible when my ideas don't work, even though she doesn't try most of them. And it's not like she hasn't had success.
I know it's a lot to do with my perception and projection. I complain about my "career", too, but I don't really mean it because I don't try hard enough to deserve to complain. Sometimes it helps to complain to just get it out, and sometimes by exploring what I'm complaining about, I find new ways to work, or market my work.
There is one thing I learned from our discussions; we can't afford to wait to be "discovered" because nobody has as big a stake in our careers as ourselves, and when it really gets too hard, it's time to get out. I can't believe I said it out loud the last time I saw her. I'm glad I'm in it for the inherent joy of making. Even if I don't sound like it here sometimes.
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So, it is possible to weave a scarf in 15-minute increments. It took some time, but I wove the last of the two-teal Log Cabin piece this week. And considering I sometimes stay away from looms for months, it was a great lesson; I should weave every single day, even if for 15 minutes.
At the end of the teal warp I knew I had another Log Cabin warp but I couldn't remember what colors; it turns out this is a handsome two-navy warp, but it's even harder to see the color difference. I'll see if I can shoot it in daylight.
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Every so often I want to chuck in everything on the Internet and be the hermit weaver I once wanted to be. I did for quite a while. But I don't delete everything because: 1) I would miss your friendship/our camaraderie, 2) I live in a small place and I feel I might get swallowed into the ground/wave/ether if I'm not on the Internet, and 3) I don't have the guts.
On Monday I discovered Google Image Ripper; "discovered" because I probably heard of it before but in the most general way; I didn't think it would concern me specifically. But my heart skipped a beat when actually saw my pics and realized how unprotected my photos were.
Then today I came across Pracownia's closed blog, and I thought I was getting too old for this, that I don't want to spend so much time learning new Internet things, that I'd rather be weaving. It's probably the same way Mom felt 10 years ago when she decided against having a computer and Internet; she'd chose to use the time to weave one more piece. Besides, if we're talking about the bottom line, I've never generated a sale from the Internet.
I'll let you know if/when I decide to disappear, but it's not likely to happen any time soon. But you know how things happen in threes? Notice it's only Wednesday night here, so there's still time for one more Internet freak-out this week.
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Screen print of trying to access a closed blog: the email address was my usual one, but you get the picture; there's no links or clue.