Third Blogaversary/Blogiversary

Three years and 830 posts; if nothing else, you know I am not a woman of few words.

Sometimes it feels like yesterday I discovered blogging and started Unravelling; occasionally I feel I'm saying the same thing for the millionth time and I should just drop it. But in trying to be a good weaver and a better person, I guess I am bound to discover recurring themes to reflect upon. And the only thing I know today is unlike most anything else, living longer doesn't make life easier; there are, always, things to learn or unlearn or discover or rediscover or try again. It's only very recently that I began to think it's the journey that counts, so I can stop looking for approval or rewards.

Mama told me two things when I was threes: that my personality had settled, so from then on I'd better try darn hard to straighten out, and that the day I stop wanting to learn is the day I die. I can tell you I'm still trying to straighten out, and I still need to learn a bunch of things.

Thank you all for coming along and helping me do both.

Passport photo, 1961
Megumi, aged 3

Celia, Cecily and Moa

©Celia Allison; posted with permission

Earlier this week I was flabbergasted to receive my most favorite New Zealand artist/card producer Celia Allison's newsletter, not because I received it, but because she said the 2010 Cecily calendars were ready! My 2009 just started last Friday, didn't it?

I always liked Cecily greeting cards; her subjects cover being single, not having kids, being confused by computers/accountants/dentists, having too many carry on luggage when flying, credit cards and Christmas, doing the dishes, and the list goes on. A couple of years ago I noticed for the first time Cecily is not only a Kiwi girl, but a Mainland Girl, from Lyttleton near Christchurch!

I also knew Celia had another brand, but I had trouble going to her other web site once, so I didn't check it until this week, and it turns out Celia is also responsible for Moa, another favorite of mine, which I often use to send overseas.

I've never met Celia, but sure would like to if we ever head down that way. I often get Celia and Cecily confused, but I doubt Celia would mind.

Red Update

Bearing in mind the possibility of discontinuing my artist/gallery relationship as well, I went to see Jay this morning. And we agreed on most everything, from the lack of accuracy in my work to Jay having been too busy to talk to me or train me, to both of us being too emotionally vested in this relationship, and we agreed we'd rather stay good friends than part acrimoniously. So, I no longer work for her, but she remains my agent. And we were both relieved.

I also test-drove Scarf Two, still unfinished but the ends hidden in knots, and discovered I loved the weight and hand, (quite heavy and "wet",) but the overall length should be at least one more half-day's worth or about 1500 picks longer, if not more. So the last piece off of this loom could be the best piece yet.

This is Jesse the new cafe staff at Red and her cake stand, which was likened to a jewelry box by one customer. Jesse has a sister who owns a cafe on the North Island; the sign on the sister's purple car reads: "All the food for as much as it costs!!"

Red and Me

I think my short stint as a staff at the Red is coming to an end, and I'm feeling disappointed and vulnerable.

From October to December, which is our spring/summer, we were very busy and Jay was away a lot, so I was less the computer Girl Friday I was meant to be, but more a sitter. Which wasn't a problem because I liked being there and appreciated the income. She gave me the fun job of being in charge of the greeting cards, too. I always imagined that after the real summer rush was over, she and I would sit down and discuss my role and her expectations and training for the gallery stuff. Because we had no job description and only a verbal contract, as these things are done a lot of the times in Nelson.

Then I was away in January. A new staff with tons of experience joined while I was away and the first time I went back to work, I was introduced to her as, among other things, the person in charge of the cards. Well, OK, then.

But then my hours started to get cut, I became preoccupied with the house thing, I had to ask to have the days changed because of it, and I miscalculated the time I had for one job, so I worked for her for free for two days to get it done, which was done in time. But though the file is centered, the printed material didn't come out centered, which annoyed both of us.

Then I couldn't work because of the foot thing, the new person instigated new things, or at least I sensed so, my hours were further reduced, a regular task of mine was given to someone else this month without my knowledge. The new person never made eye contact with me until this month when I gave her money towards Jay's birthday present. Strange. Most crucially, I got a little confused about an important file and spent yesterday rebuilding it. And though I have no intention of blaming anyone but me, because I could have had more backups, kept paper backups, etc., the file in question was "updated" the day after I was last at work.

The very reduced hours and the changes taking place in the gallery made me take my job lightly at first, and then I started to dread going in. I know that's when I make mistakes. I was most relieved when she emailed me she didn't need me, but going in so sporadically I lost continuity and couldn't even remember when the last time was I worked without consulting my notes. I hate working like that. I became unattached to the work, Jay and Red. And Jay was becoming decreasingly thrilled to see me.

I'm disappointed because I know I've been an unreliable employee since January. I'm disappointed because at the last office job I had, in a lawyers' office in 2004, I was also detached, uncommitted and therefore no good and lasted six months. I can dress it up and say things like I operate on a different mode now, I appreciated the experience, or that this is a new beginning, but for now I'm disappointed at myself.

It's also been six days since our building project officially concluded, and I thought my Preposterous 2009 was really finally starting, but I didn't hold on to my sanity as well as I thought I had, and now feelings are crashing down on me. The worst part is, Claire, the psychologist who got me started on a brilliantly upward track last year, has well and truly left Nelson, so I have to go see her colleague. We met Dr Eva's brother Dr Tom, our new GP, yesterday and he was lovely, but he wasn't Eva. So I am feeling vulnerable. And it's easy to blame external reasons, but if I can't fix me, the external stuff won't go away. Ben's worried about how much the house project is costing us; it'll end up probably twice the estimates. So we had to commit not to go to the writing retreat this year. And we forgot our anniversary yesterday.

We so need some time off, but I hesitate to ask, because externally, my life looks like one long time off. So, time out on the inside for a while. That's after Jay and I have the last "talk". "Impasse" was the word she started to use yesterday, before we got interrupted by customers, but in retrospect we've possibly been building up to it from the very beginning.

Photogenic

I read that art/craft blogs should be eye-candies as well ad interesting/informative because a large part of the audience are also art/craft people who tend to be visual. So you don't have to be as near blind as I am to go all over the Internet just to gaze at other people's pics, I take it.

Anyway, the cotton scarves have been fairly photogenic and I've got a few good ones I can use in things like business and greeting cards if I so choose, but I've got too much of the ugly old carpet in some pics, too.

The worst part is, I knew I'd regret it, that I should have had something else under the scarves, but I didn't want to interrupt the flow. Live and learn, though I don't know how long I have to live to learn everything I need to learn...

The Insanely Closely-Sett Project

I sent Scarf One to Marlborough for the Marlborough Guild (not Nelson/Marlborough/Buller Area of the National Guild) exhibition. Scarf One looked marginally better from a distance, and had better marginally selvedge. The difference in hand was marginal, and that Side A looked like Side B didn't bother me. The opening is this Friday but it doesn't sounds like I can go as Ben thinks he has to work late.

The piece is ugly when hung flat. I don't like the color scheme, and I'm not fishing for compliments. I mean, just look!! (Please excuse my laundry mess. Scarf One is on the left.)

The warp looks green overall, regardless of the wefts, (gold on the right, mocha brown on the left,) with the yellow parts overly saturated for harmony. Had I thought ahead, I might have used dark blue browns instead of blue grays and black at the other end. I know I would have liked it better if the pieces looked bluer. The scarves look wonderfully harmonious under water, so I'm going to overdye one of these, perhaps in dilute dark blue or blue brown. Any suggestions?

I requested, on the submission form, that it be shown folded/twisted/scrunched or whatever necessary, not hung flat, and I attached sample photos of Scarf Two being folded/twisted/scrunched.

I have trouble with making nice hems, particularly with cottons, so I tried washing Scarf Two before hemming in vein. I think this is a known tension problem I've been meaning to post about for a couple of years; I don't have a pic now but I'll revisit this one.

The warp-wise movement of the draft is overwhelmed by the colors, and very difficult to see. I can only hope whoever come to wear these pieces, like I, will notice minute things after years of use, so I'll reserve my judgment. The weft-wise movement is a little easier to see, but because the draft is more or less diamonds changing size, the elongated diamonds accentuate the "stripes" created by the warp colors.

I have about three meters of the warp left, and I have been thinking of resleying at 96EPI. I am quite surprised how much this heavier, “wetter” hand grew on me and am now wondering if I’d even have liked 96. Why jump from 160 to 96, you ask? I thought I’d just grab the 16 ends from each dent and transfer to the 6-dent reed as I had intended in the first place. That doesn’t involve recounting nor the possibility of crossing the warps behind the reed.

I would like to thank you all for putting up with this prolonged project and standing/sitting/laughing by me. I am a slow weaver, but this was positively ridiculous.

Something to Aspire To

Oh, sigh... Look at Pam's post here! I want to do this to someone at least once this year. Not overdoing it... Just nice and elegant. Sigh...

God Speed, Kath Bee

Last Saturday, Kath had her last kids' song gig at Crackerjack toy store. Tonight, The Nancies had their farewell gig. My friend Kath Bee is heading for Auckland in search of wider audience. In fact, she'll be on a ferry to the North Island in less than nine hours.

Kath went to Nelson School of Music in 2000 in the hopes of becoming a children's song writer. I quit my office job in 2000 in search of something more meaningful and fulfilling. We met at Nelson Arts Marketing's Artist Retreat in June 2006. Well, not really; Kath and Liz sang for all of us at the Retreat so I learned her name.

In October 2006, when Kath released her first CD, "Dragons Under My Bed", she emailed the Retreat participants, and I emailed her back asking to meet her to buy her CD; that's when we met. Back then, she was looking for gigs and ways to promote her CD, and I was working towards my first solo exhibition, so I always felt as if we were two babies born in the same maternity ward in the same week. For months leading up to my exhibition, Kath came to my house every Thursday (or was it Wednesday?) to check if I was still alive and to cheer me up. During the exhibition she gave three free lunch time concerts at my exhibition.

After my exhibition, I got her started on blogging and My Space so people can find out more about her and sample her songs before she got a proper website. She'd sometimes serenade me with my favorite and some unreleased songs; sometimes she'd bring me home-baked goodies.

Last November Kath released her second CD, "Dinasours in My Backyard", and held a big CD release party for kids. For weeks leading up to the party, we met every Tuesday to check her progress. The day after her release party, she flew to Auckalnd for some school gigs, and when she came back, she told me she had to try if she can make it in the big smokes. I knew it was the right move, and somehow I knew she was going to do this even before she said so. And once again we made To Do lists and planned her success.

It wasn't until last Saturday at Crackerjack that I realized a dear freind was moving to Auckland. Up until then I was only too excited for her and her career that I didn't realize I would be loosing a wonderful collaborator/coconspirator. And my best text message translator.

Kath is my friend who will sit happily amidst my clean laundry and drink tap water when I don't have anything better to serve. I will miss her terribly, her little red car coming down the driveway, and hearing her happy voice chiming, "Sorry, I'm late, again, but it's so funny... " before I see her. And our laughing our heads off at life's trivial joys and follies.

But more than that, I hope her path to readhingi more children and greater success will be a happy, if not easy, one. She is the Margaret Mahy of children's songs and she should be known to children beyond Nelson, and New Zealand. (In fact, there is a tiny fan base in Texas, as well as somewhere in Canada already!) And I congratulate her courage.

And when I stop crying, I must think of something I will do this year that takes a bit of courage on my part.

God Speed, Kath Bee.

Woman vs Machine

I've been thinking about what Taueret said, that she aims to weave things that look like "a human made it". I believe one of my goals is for the cloth to look like they were machine-woven, run of the mill, "perfect". They never are, but I have rigid aesthetics for my own pieces, which may be alleviating the chances for something spectacular.

I have in mind something rather uncharacteristic for SSVE. But must get the fine warp project finished first.

Hold the Press!!

I promised I won't bore you any more with our renovation stories, but we finally passed inspection on the third go. I don't know why we didn't pass it the second time around because we already had the nice, smart valves installed then but there we go. It means starting tonight we can use the new wood burner. It would have finished much quicker if tradesmen and inspectors spoke to each other instead of speaking through me, a total dummy in this matter, but I think the project is over. Except the paying the $ part, of course.

The house is still in chaos, but now it is our chaos and we need to continue to put the house back in order. And clean and repaint on the way.

2009 finally starts for me.