Whether it is a natural progression of my condition, the medication I started last Friday, the excitement of Rugby World Cup and its aftermath, or my virtuoso aptitude for slacking off, I've been living in a haze for the last little while.
I don't remember feeling so "out of it" when I was on the same medication in 09, but back then I was much worse, so perhaps there was no head space for monitoring. It's like being suspended in time and space; or getting a heavy dose of dentist's laughing gas; or mildly intoxicated. I have a vague recognition I'm not getting anything done, and a strangely remote sense of frustration I'm wasting my life, but most days I sit quietly and wait for the haze to go away.
I can't read, think, or even look at photos and graphics, but I have been watching reruns of mindless TV shows, (not good docos), and sleeping a lot. That's another thing; the medication messed with my sleeping pattern for a few days, but that seems to have come right. When I remember, I try mild exercises or gardening, and sometimes they've worked, sometimes I fell on the floor with exhaustion and just stayed still for a while.
Arm pain got bad enough I've have acupuncture treatment twice in six days with one more at the end of the week. Acupuncture works for me, but the treatment takes a toll, leaving me dysfunctional for half a day afterwards. So, another good reason to stay still.
Commitments and due dates can be good at times like these, it forces me to concentrate and get something done. I had to prepare a dozen posts for the group blogs today, which entailed reading and making sense of the instructions, which are usually simple and straight-forward but not at a time like this. It took me six and a half hours but I got them done and scheduled.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad, or in a bad way. I just feel suspended while the rest of the world moves forward, like in the Matrix movies. What I have been musing, very vaguely because that's all I can manage, is how disproportionately long the time you prepare/anticipate an event is to the duration of that event. And yes, I'm talking about my impending trip. I think we've been trying to get ready for the last month or so, and we're only going away for three weeks. Hopefully, in that time, I'll find my way back to being present in my life. And get back on the loom bench.