Saturday, June 23, 2012

Grumpy

I've sustained a level of grumpiness since the day I visited that exhibition. I never regained gumption to revisit it. I've tried to a) ignore it, (not my problem,) b) get over it, (they go their way, I go mine,) and c) get town to my business, (October exhibition,) but haven't been able to shake the aftertaste entirely. At least it's been a low-level grumpiness; it's akin to finding out your parents aren't superpeople, just regular folks with faults, weaknesses and baggages. Still, I've never come across anyone else who holds this kind of hostility to one's own work besides myself; doubts, yes, but hostility, not, and yet declares s/he loves her/his work.

I've gone down that familiar rabbit hole of "What am I doing? What do I want to make? Do the projects I have in mind for October please me? Are they what I want to show folks?" and so on and so forth. And a new one: "Will my work and our exhibition stand to my own scrutiny?"

But this time I passed the déjà vu quickly and my familiarity with the layout of the hole spat me out at the other end, so I've been trying to get up, wondering, "What just happened there?" for a month. Still, I've managed to come out a relatively-unwet duck, if you consider wasting a whole month relatively unscathed.

It's not been a good time, though, for me to write my "guest" post about why I weave cloth. One problem is, between Vicki and Peg they've covered reasons I had in mind, (nothing wrong with it,) and my draft is overlong and boring. 

My attempt at Junk Mail Artist's Book halted the minute we had to do free drawing, and looking at how creative others are boggles my mind; I do so lack imagination! Drawing is still difficult for me; I no longer have any expectations for my drawings, but I need a model, a photo, something to get me started, and I feel comfortable only when I'm drawing a human form, or capsicums. Long story. I'm giving myself until the end of the month for this, but goodness me, when my mind draws a blank, it is so spectacularly blank! 

The weather has been gray and wet a while and I couldn't be bothered photographing the cotton scarves. That I don't have good pictures of those pieces doesn't bother me; that I'll have to weave some more to get shot-effect pics or swirly network shots does. Never mind.
Still, lucky I have perpetually overlong To Do lists and more importantly an eminent exhibition to push me off my unsmall. Last Sunday I cleared the deck; with only an 8-shaft sample loom warped, there was very little procrastination options.
Making the warp took only a couple of hours, but I'd forgotten what it's like to wind hideously sticky wool warp,and all 21.5 meters of it; the winding took two afternoon with long breaks, lots of drinks of water, and one and a half Discworld audio books. (Mine are downloaded from Audible.com and read by one Nigel Planer, but I once got a CD from the library read by Tony Robinson, AKA Baldrick, and what a treat; I kept waiting for the "cunning plan". 
I don't have a draft yet, but it's going to be a symmetrical networked twill of some sort, so as soon as I have draft drafts, (you know, not final drafts,) I'm going to start threading, which should take another 3/4 to a whole book.

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