Can I be a Tiny Bit Enraged?

Yesterday I woke up with the memory of rage, (that's the best description I can come up with,) and resolved to take whichever is the most pragmatic next step I can come up with. It was a result of spending several hours in the night stewing over the design "process".  As I said, I was stuck at the same place as 10 years ago, and it was evident I hadn't learned Alison's processes then or since.

Without getting into too much detail, because obviously I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing even though I understand the words in the instructions, the steps I am supposed to follow are: Research; Broad Concept Exploration Drawings; Specific Development Drawings; Technical Problem Solving and Sampling;  and finally produce a woven piece. Each step comes with instructions/suggestions of techniques/material so I can narrow down choices before moving to the next.

The distinction between Broad Concept and Specific is where I get confused, not in words, but in the doing. This could be an artificial distinction, as Alison had to give instructions and grade and feedback and she can't have everybody working willy-nilly.

What is evident is from all other art courses I've done since Round One with Alison, I've picked up a whole lot of techniques for exploration, but I continue to operate in the familiar swirly, roundabout way where I go back and forth using many/all techniques to explore multiple ideas in parallel, until, wham, a choice jumps out. This is how I always operated, but in Round One I got severely told off for my "scattergun" method. Whereas I always saw my way as trying out many/all permutations. But having observed other people's processes in these ten years, I also know I don't develop ideas as far as other artists do.  

Ronette's drawing classes forced me to be at ease, (that's the only way I can describe,) jumping into new ways without visualizing the outcome, so it's not fear that stops me. I think I'm more comfortable making choices at different points than prescribed by Alison, and after much scattergunning in the exploration. Waddyano? I'm not as linear a thinker as I had always thought to be. I contemplated emailing Alison in the hopes she'd set me straight but I didn't even know how to pose the questions. 

I congratulate myself for learning other people's processes and making them my own. I don't have many original ideas, and this realization made me feel like a Big Girl. On the other hand, the Convent School Girl wants to follow orders religiously, (ha!) and I'm forever hopeful other people's processes may take me to places I could not myself; it's like a design joyride.

The night before last, I wasn't sure why I was so angry, but I was, very much. Usually when I wake up in the middle of the night I can steer my thoughts to more practical design issues, or imagine flying or jumping on a trampoline, (yup,) and eventually go back to sleep, but that night I stewed and stewed and stewed.

Thank the Weaving Goddess it was the BG and not the CSG who woke up yesterday morning. I continued the process just enough so I can get to practical stages with Self-Portrait and Friends(hip). Last night's awake hours were spent visualizing and calculating making lists and today I can get in real work.

But I intend to revisit this block after the exhibition opens and see if Alison can shed light. And make something based on her process that is further developed than where I normally end up. Touch Wood.

Thursday

A while back I bought this postcard from Connie Rose. Like the last time I bought a postcard from her, I asked her not to put it in an envelope like a merchandise, but send it to me like a normal postcard. Well, it's been well over a month and either my postcard fell out of the plane somewhere between California and New Zealand, or a US/NZ postal worker helped themselves to a lovely gift. Connie offered me a chance to select another one, but I really wanted this, so I asked for a photo file instead.

That's the nature of what we make, isn't it? Sure, if you're concerned about the money you spend, an alternate piece may do, but if you invest feelings into a particular piece, when you make or when you buy, it's irreplaceable. So I'm very happy with the file and intend to test printing on different types of paper. (I have a small stash of Japanese postcards in different textures for printers.)

Connie's textile postcards are amazingly complex and stand repeated close inspection. I find new interesting bits every time I pick mine up.

I don't want to be a tease, so though I'll leave the details until later, this is the SSVE-like idea I have. Following Sampling's success, I haven't been able to stop thinking of a wee online exhibition of wee pieces - say, 10cm by 10cm - without utilitarian purpose but just lovely cute pieces to look at. Anyone game?

The thing is, I don't know what kind of a time frame I should go for. Since you can work on it at your own pace, do you think the Big Reveal is possible, say, January 1, 2013?? I find too long a lead time can decrease a project's won momentum; on the other hand some of us want enough time to think, sample, rethink and then execute, (and even change our minds?) December 1 felt a little too soon for me personally, and it's a busy season in very many faiths. Later in January felt a tad too far into the future. Plus, if you make your piece/s in Nov/Dec, you might like it so much you may make some more for cards or gifts.

Your input is very much appreciated.

My design process. Yesterday I got so frustrated, I put on my Big Girl pants and decided to do as I pleased. I'm combining methods prescribed in the course I did once, but I'm going back and forth like I usually do until I find myself land somewhere I'm comfortable.

Wednesday

It feels like winter is back in little old Nelson. There is fresh snow on the hills, icy (for Nelson, mind you,) blusters coming from that direction, and the temperature just doesn't get up in spite of the sun.

I got quite excited seeing this photo on Facebook this morning, thinking, even though I've never set out to weave anything ribby (though a couple came out slightly that way inclined) and have not experimented that much with woven shibori, the charcoal gray and the orange red bit can be recreated in wool quite easily. At least in my head. And because I love volcanoes, this is definitely going to go on my list. And because we don't need even-width warps for this, it might actually be a good way to practice spinning and to use it in the weft. But there are so many ways to work on it.

I've been good about sticking to Self-Portrait design work and not get too distracted. Though I am loosely following the instructions from Alison's correspondence course I took in 2002, and finding I dislike the same steps and don't understand the same things as I did in 2002-2005. (It took me three and a half years to finish a six-month course.) I don't know if this means I haven't learned anything, or if these are pointing to areas/factors I dislike. But no time to ponder.

I was stunned last night while I was watching the news that our exhibition opening starts in three-weeks-minus-40-minutes from that moment. (OK, the tense in this last sentence sounds weird.) I actually stopped breathing for a short while. Whatever. I must move forward.

Tuesday

Sometimes we know things, don't we?

I've been working on the Self-Portrait design, manipulating three potential base ideas. I feel I can work with any of these, but the minute I hit the right one, I knew I couldn't explain with words why this was the right one; I just wanted to find out more about this idea much more than the other two. So today I'm going to work further with this one.

Better World Books gave me a discount code, so I felt I should buy something because they do good work. I allowed myself US$10 for something that will be both interesting and might help me with my weaving. So I got this one, used. True, Amazon has used for 1 cent, but BWB ships free worldwide, so I think it's an excellent buy.

It appears it's one of those new books where pages are arranged like websites. Which I loathe. Sometimes I give up reading magazine articles when there are too many little windows my eyes have to jump around. (I feel there needs to be a preposition at the end of this last sentence, but I'm now sure what.) But it appears in this book there are tiny gems spread across the pages and I can flip open any, read a window, and learn something. Or enjoy. Or (dis)agree. So I'm looking forward to it.

Which also makes me less grumpy because the three books on 3D (two on textiles - Jackson, Dalgaard and Richards) have sat on my Wish Lists in/on (??) five online bookshops around the world while I waited for the prices to drop. A better idea is for me to wait a couple of years until they will pop up in the used market, which is about when I plan to be ready to read them. Ha ha; self-knowledge.

Oh, has anyone has or seen "Parallel Shadow Weave" by Elizabeth Lang and Erica Dakin Voolich? I've had this on my Wish List for several years based on the title and for the first time a used one popped up this morning, but I haven't been able to find out what's in it. I'm interested in anything shadow weave, but if anyone can help me get a sense of this book, I would very much appreciate it. Big thanks in advance.

Now, Firefox off, Discworld on, and more manipulation of last night's idea.

Monday...

Close to first thing this morning, I was looking for a very small collection of fabric I've saved over the years - perhaps five in all - they are all tiny leftovers. While rummaging though the drawers in the dresser in the stash room, I found gazillion small projects or cutsy tools/materials for small projects. Gazillion. Plus I found some warp-end cottons I wove (as recently as... ummm... July?) I forgot about that I could use to make cloth-covered buttons if I want. To sell or give away at the exhibition. But I could not find the fabrics.

Spring has sprung and we have tiny yellow tulips right outside of the kitchen window. The flowers are not tiny, but they are extraordinarily short. Possibly because the bulbs are not planted deeply enough. This is one of the areas where birds keep digging and flicking bulbs all year around. I need to remedy that. The other area is full of friesias where nothing is coming out so far. In a weird twist, I planted early cheers so late they are only about 5cm tall. Flowering tulips and just sprouting EC's - only at Casa Nakagawa. If I took better care of our place, we do have tons of lovely flowers planted - they just have a hard time coming out and thriving amongst the vigorous weeds.

With less than three weeks before we install/hang/(I found another nice word on Saturday but can't remember) the exhibition, I should have no time to read/garden/cook dinner, which is probably why I keep thinking about those things all the time. But I have made arrangements to go back to Ronette's drawing class in October for one term. Next year I'll have to miss the first and possibly the second when I go home, but the prospect of returning to her class, and to more or less to my "normal" life, feels reassuring.

I feel a SSVE-type thing coming on. In fact, I've felt this for about six weeks but I'll tell you about it when I feel I deserve to have one more thing to look forward to. Hint: start thinking of very tiny "show" pieces. 

Three Weeks from Tomorrow

"Friends(hip)" Practice/Sampling
I needed to make sure a double weave technique I read somewhere long time ago works, so I threaded a sample table loom.

I wanted to understand the mechanism and practice, so I chose a simple twill for the pattern side; the final piece will have a Self-Portrait-based draft. The inlay (I hope this is the correct term) side where your yarns  will create (a) colorful shape/s is in plain weave. Because I've never done inlay or tapestry-style weaving, I sampled with the plain weave side up, which works well because when I want the inlay yarns to show on the pattern side, I can lift the extra warp/s/shaft/s instead of pressing it/them down.

You get the picture. As it were.

What I learned:

1. The two sets of warps most definitely need to go on different warp beams. This table loom has two warp beams but one is permanently occupied by a permanently unfinished cotton warp, so I'm saving a bunch of plastic one-litter milk jugs. However, the samples seem to do OK so far with all warps on one beam.
2. The inlay-ed yarns in the sample are thrums, but the wool warp in four reds are is what I hope to use in the final piece. 
3. Because your yarns come in such a variety of widths, for each pick on the inlay side I need to weave between one and five, perhaps six, picks on the pattern side. (The very think "ribbon" from Judy Nolan, the one that looks like a narrow strip of needlepoint canvas, I might cut into a narrower strip. Or not.)
4. If the number of pattern-side picks vary, it's quicker to weave on a table loom rather than on the computer dobby loom. 
5. In which case, I'd like to simplify the lifting a great deal, so even with an identical threading, the "picture" on the pattern side will be far more abstract than in the "Self-Portrait" piece, which is not a bad thing. 
6. The lifting will probably be more or less regular, so the "picture" may have directionality. These can be tested on the computer in the first instance. 
7. I learned how Pat finishes her tapestries. I will have to experiment a little, but I need to adopt a tapestry-like wet/moist finish technique for this piece.  
8. This warp sett is 36EPI, 18 on each layer. The pattern side is probably good as is, but I'd like to sample the inlay side at a looser sett. 
9. The inlay side need not be plain weave but something else, for example, a very simple twill. I wonder if this is worthwhile, since it also means sacrificing one or more shafts to the inlay side, but it also adds variety to the way the inaly-ed yarns appear on the pattern side.
10. The inlay side: when I showed the group the sample, the consensus recommendation then was long/vertical rectangles. I think one or two rectangles in identical width would be nice as the final piece will be longer than it will be wide. Two rectangles will require a bit of fiddling, (currently being sampled on the loom and quite fiddly,) and again, I wonder if it is worthwhile.  

I need to concentrate on the "Self-Portrait" motif/design next as "Friends(hip)" will also be based on the same. At the same time, I need to practice weaving on this loom/warp some more.

"Self-Portrait" warp will be multi-colored 2/20 cotton, 42EPI, 12 inches wide. I'm making a regular 8 meter warp and make scarves or something else afterwards.(36EPI if I start to panic.)

"Pillars" warp is off the loom and I vacuumed the workshop this afternoon. The last memento piece for myself was shorter than I had hoped - about 1 meter of the design part plus a bit of plain weave at the top and bottom. I wasn't sure how much warp I had left, so the design is awkward and out of proportion, but it is small enough to go somewhere in my house.

"Merchandise":  I started to think of cloth-covered buttons after Cally's Open Studio posts. I'll think about it if I have time.

EDIT:  Point 9 is incorrect; using more than 2 shafts in the inlay side does not add variety to the appearance of your yarns on the pattern side since it's all about which pattern shaft/s I lift. Which, considering the time I have left, eliminates having to experiment this aspect. Grin.

"Pillars" Drafts

I finished weaving the last, fourth, pillar Tuesday afternoon, and though there is much more to do, I feel as though the October exhibition is finished for me. I've found it hard to muster enthusiasm this week.

Here are the drafts of the four pillars; as you can see, (or not as in the second and third drafts the bottoms are cut off.) A little over the bottom half are identical in all four; it is only the bottom of the top half that is very different. Draft lengths are modified to suit the suspected shrinkage difference of each weft constitution. (The drafts seem to appear clearer if you click on them.)

Pillar 1

Pillar 2

Pillar 3

Pillar 4

The regular gaps in the draft tell me I must insert the fishing line in the next pick. I've washed the first three; the fourth is still on the loom as I'm continuing to weave the remainder of the warp as a memento, (not that I'm expecting to sell the pillars at the exhibition, but since this last "sample" looks like it will be a tad short of 150cm long, I can hang it in look room!) 

I've been contemplating whether to keep the fishing lines in the pieces; each pillar has 19 in them, and the pressed pillars look pretty straight/true, but I don't know how they will distort being hung in a gallery for a month, and we've been having a lot of of rain and it may just continue. The real problem is I can't hang these at my house to experiment, but I haven't had the chance to take one/them to Pat's house because of the, um, rain. 

Though they are close to the paper model in size, as finished pieces they seem so small, and I wonder if four of these are going to make a descent display in the gallery. It's strange to want to see something for two and a half years and when it's done and kind of in front of me, I'm overwhelmed by the ho-hum-ness of the... result. We'll see how it goes in the gallery, eh. 

Miscelleneous

I've about 500 picks to go on the Pillars for the exhibition, plus some warp left to weave something shorter to hang somewhere in my house, most probably the wee door in my studio. It feels good.

I try not to thinking about the look of our exhibition as a whole. We still can't tell, but we don't seem to have as many big works as I had hoped for. At the very least, I don't have the second, colorful something to hang from the upstairs office, under which visitors can walk. Once I prepared a bunch of links to interesting textile exhibitions and tried to bring the matter up but another member thought I "didn't trust" the others in the group to create works of integrity, and the discussion went south. The ferocity of her anger was so that I've been afraid to bring up the subject, and once we tried it, it was a softly-softly reminiscence on which exhibitions (in Nelson) looked nice or who (in Nelson) can hang exhibitions nicely, and we never delved into factors that might make a textile exhibition memorable.  Or drab/homey.

I don't know if you would describe this feeling as "worry". I can tell you the individual works will be interesting and well-crafted. And varied. I don't know how we're going to work out where things go, except I have first dibs on where the pillars go. And for some reason I always pictured in the far corner from the entrance of the big gallery, the dark corner, where special lighting can be effective. Except it's not as dark as I imagine in my head.

This is Mom being a proud Grandma last Sunday while Skyping; the cloth was designed by and partially woven by my 16.5 year old nephew. He and I didn't get along forever because I thought he was like an untamed animal and he didn't like me cracking the whip of discipline. And I was the only one. But shortly before he hit 14, he's become a rather nice young man, and all of my sister's sensitivity and her tendency to take interest in things began to manifest in him. I told him he's turning out "Super OK" when I was home in 2010, and he returned a shy, smirky "Whatever."

Recently he came and stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for two nights, an utterly rare thing, during which time he must have watch Grandma weave for the millionth time, and apparently the conversation moved on to moi. 

The grandkids have always watched Grandma weave, so they know roughly how things work, and they've all tried some kind of passing/throwing of the shuttle on her knees on whichever loom happened to be dressed on the day, but he took a special interest in the design process, so Grandma made him come up with a design, ("Based on the French flag," he declared,) explain how to make the warp based on his design, helped with the loom dressing, and explained sampling. After he started weaving, Nephew decided skinner white stripes between thicker blue and red stripes, rather than same width in blue, white, red, looked more interesting. Mom promised to weave a table-center-like cloth to go on a credenza-like piece by the window in Sister's living room.

He wove only about 15cm but it was a full afternoon-plus spent with Grandma concentrating on one task, and a meaning, fruitful, and memorable one for both. Mom finished the sample so in time for our Skype appointment. 

* * * * *

Finn told me that in the museum context, underwear are called "foundation garments". This instantly reminded me of corsets and the various "shaping" lingerie Mom and my aunts wore and compared, and never cease to recommend to me.  Finn and I also talked a little about looking good, looking appropriate to one's class/station in life, showing off wealth, and comfort. My mind keeps focusing on one issue, though: where and when did men have to modify body shapes to fit the aesthetic conventions as much as women? Outside tribal tattooing/scarring or encasing/hanging-from-the-neck of the male genitals, I can't think of any for men. So have women had to change our appearances to please elders and men more because we were often their properties? Has anyone read anything??

* * * * *

I've been thinking about good voodoo, and if there are any historical/anthropological precedences. You know, voodoo/magic/which craft have been employed to harm your enemies in the first instance, or to bring luck to oneself and one's group in case of white magic. I guess there are prayers,  but I wonder if there were ever voodoo where we wished someone great luck, possibly a specific good fortune, possibly from afar, and I wonder if I can weave/make them with textiles. (There are things folks do in Japan, like not drink tea until so-and-so accomplishes this-and-that, but this feels to me more like praying. It's most definitely like Lent.)

Any thoughts??

September!!

No picture. And not a lot of content. But now that it's really September, I felt compelled to post.

I haven't done much; I've been feeling tired for no good reason, again, and coveting sugary, high energy foods. And wanting to read; imagine that!

I washed the third pillar yesterday; we're expecting rain at the start of the week and we have a meeting on Monday, so I wanted to get that out of the way. I lined up two photo shoots and interviews by the local papers, and secured the local independently-owned bookshop's window for one week to display and promote the exhibition at the end of the month, (during the most hectic month for them, no less.) Thank you, Page and Blackmore!

I've got the basis for the draft of the top half of the last pillar. The Profile/Bio is finally done, as are the Floor Talk bullet points. Re. blurb, the only thing left is some bullet points for someone else in the group to introduce me at the Opening. Unless I change my mind and want to revamp all the blurb. I've not worked on the Self-Portrait nor the Friends(hip) pieces; I want to get undone things done and forget about them first. By next weekend, I should be ready to move on.

Fingers, toes and arms crossed!   

And don't forget, if you're anywhere in Western Europe, Cally and Mum beckon!! 

We Hang in a Month

Installation is September 30. I've been working furiously during the day to try to get as much done, and totally blobbing out in front of the TV and/or computer games at night. Our entire house is littered with my stuff in various stages of done-ness and Ben's not allowed to move anything.The second hot water cylinder was "fired up" yesterday for the first time in... oh, I can't remember. 

This is Pillar 1, (or the top three-quarters of it,) the component closest to being finished among all my stuff. It's big in my house, but skinnier than I had envisioned, and I don't know if four of these are going to make an impression in Refinery's huge gallery. I hope to wash P2 today; P4 is half woven, but I haven't made up the draft for the top half. (All pillars use the same draft for the bottom half, but variations on a theme for top.)

I'm very behind in the Self-Portrait, but this one will be quick to weave as it is so small; I am making some progress in practicing the double weave with inlay for Friends(ship) but its design/draft is predicated on Self-Portrait, so I know which one I need to furiously work on next. 

Here's a wee thanks to Esmae Emerson as the last contribution to the Friends(hip) piece. She also called my attention to the fate of "the one in Milton" weavers always think about when we hear of mill closures in New Zealand: November 2011 and May 2012. Small victories, yay!

I hope you are all well. And feeling colorful!