I was supposed to be in Ronette's all-day-all-week-figure-drawing fest (i.e. summer workshop) this week but it was canceled due to illness in her family. The ill person concerned has recovered sufficiently for us to collectively exhale; thank goddess, he's a young chap! But I don't think he'll be playing rugby anytime soon.
Instead I rejoined Carla Sonheim's Faces 101, also this week, but even though it's 3PM Monday in Seattle, I have not heard peep from the organizers since I was put on the list a while back, nor have they replied to my inquiry, so I'm not sure what's happening there. I did this online course in August of 2011 and really enjoyed it.
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I finished my taxes Sunday afternoon and delivered my hot pink binder to the accountant's office Monday morning. Nothing great to report, other than this year, though I was slow in working through it, I didn't feel the usual dread of having to do it. It was quite mechanical.
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Which is the reason I'm all the more puzzled I had a mild but persistent panic attack towards the end of my tax work. Very strange; a rapid slide-show like vision of déjà vu that went on for hours; I knew intellectually it was a panic attack and not a real déjà vu but then I started to have déjà vu of déjà vus and just so I don't make mistakes, I had to check things I was déjà vuing about.
I had a bad panic attack once a few years ago so I knew what was happening on Sunday, but what I don't like is the confusion that is like a foreshadow of dementia. A couple of days prior, I took one of silly Facebook tests and I was shocked how long it took for me to answer super simple additions.
Like the last time, I can't think of reason for me to panic about. In fact, last time I had a pleasant afternoon with Rosie going to the gallery, but we also talked about Alzheimer day/wee/month. Was that the cause?
I make so little money I don't legally have to do tax returns, but I do just to stay in the system; (this could be a Japanese thing.) I even get money back from the tax department some years, but always pay more to the accountant which totally doesn't make sense to Ben, so deep down I may be justifying myself each year. Maybe this was it.
Annie was supposed to come in the afternoon so we can take her first sample off and put on a second one. I felt embarrassed by the mess in my stash room, but I would have had all morning to clean most of the house. But maybe this was it.
Anyway, it was strange to think that on Thursday and Friday, even though I wasn't done, I had done enough to start planning the post-tax week. Now I feel hesitant to do anything proactive. I postponed meeting with Annie yesterday, stayed in bed, ate choc bickies and gazed at the Internet. I didn't even read the current van Gogh book, which I'm otherwise really enjoying.
I'm OK today, just a tad frustrated, flummoxed and annoyed. Sometimes I think I listen to my mother too intently I experience an octogenarian's life vicariously. She doesn't have panic attacks, but she's always concerned her cognitive abilities are failing. We've both had terrible memory for years and she even had a brain scan which checked out fine.
Anyhoo, today I'm going to eat frozen blueberries and read Chapter 2 of the design book.