It's hardly Saturday morning now but I started this post this morning, so I shall keep the title.
I went to the drawing class yesterday morning; it might have been a Big Mistake. I just couldn't get into drawing, (I must say, a first in a couple of years, I think,) the combination of the model and the assignment was mismatched in my mind, (but others liked it, to be fair,) and of course people asked me about my family and Japan. Some complained about the New Zealand press coverage of the Japanese Triple-Whammies. I should just walk away, but I gave some folks chapter and verse and felt exhausted. I don't mind talking to friends, but I'm so bad at small talk with acquaintances.
More bad choices ensued. After lunch with Ben and Ronette, I had four hours to kill before the opening of Changing Threads. Instead of hiding in a cozy corner of a library, I walked around town, did my chores slowly, (I had only two,) and ran into so many people I never ever run into on a normal Friday afternoon, including one out-of-town friend. Some understood that I didn't want to talk in details about home; some said they understood but couldn't let go of the subject. By the time I got to the Refinery, at 5PM, half an hour early, I was ready to collapse. But in the past I've not gone to openings or left early, and apparently Lloyd thanked me in his speeches, so I leaned on Ben and other objects and stayed. And Jo and I were thanked. It's very lovely of Lloyd, and he is that kind of a man, but really, I don't need to be thanked for just helping out hanging lovely textile art. Besides, thanks to Lloyd, I take part in a community event two days a year; without his letting me do this, I'd be even more of a hermit than I am, which many books on art making and psychology tell me is not right.
This week was tough on the Hermitess head space. Monday and half of Tuesday were spent hanging Changing Threads; I was exhausted Tuesday afternoon and had a long nap. Wednesday morning I went to see Andrea at the Suter to discuss prices; in the afternoon I had a long powwow with Jo and Pat about a group, (more about this soon.)
Thursday I was too tired to do much, I read, made a short warp, and had a long nap. I also had a former friend ring me; I tried to sound engaged, but truth to tell I just wanted to hang up. We used to work together, and I thought we were good friends, then she was away for a while, and when she returned I tried to give her moral support in her new job because she acted as if she needed it. But soon, she began evading my every invitation to get together, ("I'll check my diary at work and let you know when we can get together for morning tea/afternoon tea/dinner,") and after four and a half years I gave up. The last time I saw her in person she told me she wanted friends her own age, (she's about 10 years younger than me,) and though I liked her a lot, I let that part of my life go. About two years later.
After asking about my family, and after my detailed spiel, (oh, God, why do I do that??) once again she said she'll ring me so we can get together and maybe go for a walk.
Chances are, she won't call, and I hope she doesn't call. I regret not having asked her not to bother. Coward!
* * * * *
I'm taking a break from figure drawing next term. Initially it was a financial decision, and it still helps to skip one, but I have other reasons. I expect everybody else to be as serious about drawing as I am that I've become intolerably intolerant of other students' bad behavior. Yesterday it was only someone humming to the background music, but I thought my body would explode with anger. Then again, one of my favorite classmate has moved to an evening class, and that's bee disappointing, too.
I need a break, a solitary weave-a-thon in my basement like I used to have, and take the time to get deep inside my head.