I'm feeling a bit confused these days, a bit unfocused, a bit frazzled.
I'm reading about Japanese designs, and the place of craft in that culture. (Two different books.)
I got out nine books from Ben's work library (a polytechnic) on Friday, about shibori, surface designs and pattern making. And all I can do is sit and gaze at the pictures. What's different from all the other times, you ask? Well, nothing. It's just that the old eyeballs feel even more detached from my brains than ever.
I'm doodling, photoshopping and cutting up papers and sticking them on notebooks, and trying to make them look like pebbles. I ran out of glue sticks and nobody's carrying my favorite brand any more; that sort of thing upsets me a little.
I'm thinking about Etsy and dyeing wool with grown-up dyes. Thinking is all I do about these two.
I'm thinking about how urgently I need to tidy my hard drive, particularly my photos, and how I need an updated spreadsheet of what's at which gallery.
I'm thinking I really need to learn Maori and things Maori, especially pertaining to textiles and weaving techniques, to keep living in this country. But I would really like to take up Italian again in the first place, and French, too.
I've been bottling up some issues, and commending myself on how I've gotten used to the Kiwi "suck it up and move on" ways because sometimes this is better than other ways.
I'm imagining how much better I'd feel and how much more productive my life would be if I can find an exhibition to work towards, whilst not thinking about the two commissions I received well over a year ago, both of them...
I'm doing something most days, but I can't seem to be productive.
And I'm still calling myself a weaver. Cheat! I haven't touched a loom in... 11 days.