Feeling Stupid

Yesterday was Claudia's 40th birthday party. We had been warned of the costume party theme six weeks in advance, "Religion, Cult and the Occult". I thought I'd go as the Domestic Goddess Nigella, in a black pair of pants, a bright orange (alas, not red) cardigan, red lipstick and stuffing in my bra; Ben was going as a Spirit-Taker, i.e. a photographer.

I have been under the weather for a few days, so I took a nap in the afternoon which lasted half a day, and when I woke up, it was long after 8. Still very confident the party would be going strong, we got ready, but not as disguised as we planned, and was driving around the venue around 9.30. It was to take place at #21, just up the road from Claudia's, but we couldn't find it. We found #19 and #23, but Ben insisted the one between the two was not #21. Sabotage, I thought!

Feeling a bit defeated and stupid, plus a bit feverish, we came home and looked at the invitation and Google map and it turns out we were lucky I didn't barge into the house in between, because the said #21 was on another road.

The stupidest thing is, I knew the name of the correct road, but somehow I convinced myself Claudia lived on that road, so we kept driving back and forth on her road. That was our horror "The Road" story.

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I've been trying to get my head around Summer & Winter, and after five books, two afternoons, some graph paper and a pencil, I'm ready to try to move on to the loom. When I don't fully understand a structure from words and pictures, the last step sometimes takes place on a table or frame loom. I've been playing on PCW software for a simple test draft for this. It's also dead easy to convert a profile draft to S&W on PWC, and keeping what Ali wants me to try in mind, I've been trying to make asymmetrical drafts.

I had to check a few fine points about blocks before I got started, and we exchanged a few emails, and whoa, she told me to get off of PCW and go back to collaging I did with Clare! Which is the opposite of what she told me the last time I saw her; put away the collage and start weaving blocks! Ali might think I'm dithering, but I am totally stumped and am not sure where I've gone wrong.

My best guess is, Ali wants me to design a cloth first and then break it down into a weaving draft, and I think she's trying to point out I am building up a cloth from a weave structure.

Even though I enjoyed the collaging, I can't connect them to a weavable draft.

That Ali, she has a lovely smile and a great laugh, but then she turns around and dons her silk-embroidered, jewel-encrusted pale kid gloves, and whips her velvet whip. Woooosh!

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I got my "Women who Run with Wolves", and tried to read it the last three nights, but I'm having a really hard time. To me, the first part reads like the worst of the 80's Women's Lib article disguised as a 90's Self-Help/Spiritual, and the repeated, chanting, style, where she lists the many names of the same thing, separating, every, one, with, commas, is driving me nuts. I'll stay with it, because so of you loved it, but I keep praying it won't be another "Poisonwood Bible", which I hated the last 1/4 of, and therefore consider the whole thing to be one big Oprah hype.

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Still, I'm not feeling grumpy. Just a little detached from the world. In other words, a good day to ignore Ali and try my asymmetrical drafts, yes?


  1. Go for it girl! Thread that loom.
    Sorry you're not feeling the best. I can sympathise with you re the "road", had a similar experience myself not long ago. Hope its not a symptom of our age!!

  2. I was wondering about that, Dianne, that strange gung-ho conviction that #21 was on that road, even though I knew the name of the correct one the one Claudia lives on....Strange... I'm hoping it was just the fever playing with my brains. I'm always worried about going senile, as I've watched too many oldies go that way, and my siblings tell me it's no longer "early-onset" for me.

  3. But then, I wonder, if that's the same reason I am able to go ahead with what I want to do as regards S&W. I used to try to please the teacher so much, all my life, and "do it the right way", but today I'm feeling I know I will get to where I want doing this my way, even though it may not be where Ali wants me to get to. Aesthetically, I've no worries because Ali never forces me to agree or disagree with anything, but I just hope I'm not shutting myself out of another method, or learning opportunity.

  4. So you never got to the party, I'm guessing. Better to take care of yourself. But your two alter egos sounded like good fun!

  5. Connie, no. And I feel very disappointed. Though we're not keen on costume parties very much, (Ben's clinically shy,) we love to see what others do. And Claudia is so important to us.

    OH well, we'll see if we get invited to her 50th...


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