Monday, June 16, 2008

Listless

I subscribe to Dictonary.com's Word of the Day mail out. May 25's word was "listless" which, before this email, I thought meant quite the opposite of "having no desire or inclination; indifferent; heedless; spiritless." I'd imagined an anxious, agitated state, partially due to, (brace yourselves), not having a proper To Do list.

In fact, in an almost-upsetting number of cases, the true meaning of the word have turned out to be the opposite of what I had imagined, or worse, how I used them. But that's not the point of this post.

I keep lots of To Do lists, and they are categorized, color-coded, numbered and cross-referenced. And whenever I finish one task, it never ceases to amaze me how three more come to mind. And I have other means of reminding myself what else I haven't finished.

Creating draft posts has been one such mean. Whenever a thought comes to mind, I create a draft, sometimes with the crux of the matter, sometimes just the title, sometimes just a photo, fully intending to return to it shortly and write something meaningful. At least to give you something to chuckle about.

Some of my 20-odd drafts posts were a year old, some 18-months, and I accumulated even more in May. And I just deleted them. I deleted all my drafts, except the two where I want to do something with the photos.

I'm trying to be OK with not verbalizing some of my experiences; that's Julia Cameron's influence. I feel if I can't explain or recap an experience, it will have meant nothing, or I'll forget it, but she says the experience is more personal when not "cerebralized". I'm trying to feel OK not posting every little thought I have about weaving, art or my life here, but letting some float in the air; I'm trying to see if they will float in the air even if I don't put down in writing.

And remember I didn't have a Wish List? Well, I kind of do now; nothing as sophisticated or intelligent (ha!) as my To Do lists, but at least I have it. Then, last night while I was reading, a vague concept of a To Be list came to me. I'm not quite sure what I mean by it; it could be a bunch of goals, like "What Kind of a Weaver I Want to be by When" list I started around 2001. It's not a "I need to be finished with ..." list, though.

Trying out a new way of looking at things, you know...

2 comments:

  1. I don't know about the Cameron thing of "not verbalizing experiences," etc. If verbalizing means writing them down as well, my problem is usually that I wished I'd verbalized more... How many times have I asked myself, "When did that happen?" or "How did I do that?" or any number of things... But I have to say I haven't read her books, so I could be coming from a very wrong place here... :o
    BTW I used the word listless in a recent post and had to laugh when I read yours... Thanks! :D

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  2. Oh, I'm often using words incorrectly like this, Crystal. The latest funny one was I was asked by Jay Farnsworth if the chai drink was too sweet - Red Gallery's cafe started serving chai. I kept saying, "I have sweet teeth," all the while wondering if it was "teeth" or "tooth", but the rate I go through sweets sometimes, it just had to be "teeth", I thought!

    Jay chuckled.

    The Cameron book, in this context, is saying how art can be therapeutic. While therapy tries to understand the past, and tries to alter our understanding of events, art is supposed to expand and alter yourself, kind of, without the filter of verbalization and understanding. She's saying art can heal you more directly, and when you don't verbalize it, you can gain a more direct, personal relationship. I think. Having always been one to have to say what's what all the time, I find it hard to experience things without the filter of words. Perhaps if you could apply a bit of reiki on me, I may get a sense of it??

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