Do you ever think of why we do this? I don't mean blogging, but art-making. Perhaps I'm haunted by self-doubt because I'm not compelled to make art, but I chose to. Instead of working in an office, instead of having a steady income, instead of going on nice holidays.

Tuesday-Thursday this week I was supposed to be in lock-down. On Tuesday, I fluffed around "thinking", "planning" and pacing until noon, and then I went downstairs. Fair enough, it was the first day, I forgive me.

Yesterday, I got up late and blogged and searched for Procion dyes on the Internet (you know I don't dye) until 1PM; that's the time I normally resurface for lunch. It was getting silly; this is clearly avoidance. I only wove one small scarf, and hated it. In fact I hate all three I wove this week and I thought I was done with this warp, but golly, I can get one more off it.

I had an order for a mint green/lime green cashmere scarf, so I put on my normal short (8-meter) warp in two pale minty greens, thinking I could try things with weft colors and treadling for Santa Fe or Red or the retail part of Refinery, another prospective Nelson outlet. The commission piece, with a lime green silk/cashmere weft, turned out lovely. But the next three, I avoided weft I would instinctively chose for this warp: pale baby blues, pale to mid greens, or pale oranges and yellows. Instead, I wove with indigo, which looks harsh, yellow green, which makes the whole scarf screaming lemon, and darkish lavender which looks a nondescript mid-crayon-blue. I chose them all carefully, but when woven as scarves, I don't find them attractive. Don't take my word for it, though; once Jay Farnsworth picked color combinations and I wove three from one warp, two of which was totally not my taste, but one of these she sold the day I delivered them. At least with her color combinations, I saw her point; I don't with these.

Luckily the last one, in muddy brick red/dark dirty orange, is looking good thus far, so I might not be so cranky later today. I finish the green warp, and move on to a luscious silk/cashmere warp in dark purple, a color I feel more confident with. And I got some preliminary drafting done for my cottons.

Santa Fe is way outside of little old Nelson; I don't know if I'm terrified of my world expanding so rapidly, or having to grow up as a weaver suddenly. I don't know if this is what Lynne calls risks, but I have been at my dilatory best.

Talk later.


Peg in South Carolina said...

If you are compelled to make art, you must. But if you choose to make art you can un-choose. Are you looking for a good reason to un-choose?

Anonymous said...

it's just part of the process, this digesting, marinating and pondering.

The final product can be anything - writing, drawing, weaving or a sandcastle. From what little I see and know....I think you are compelled to make it, whatever it is.

Please, keep creating.

Meg said...

Peg, considering the amount of energy, time and money I invested so far, probably not. But that's a sticky one for me; I don't feel just yet that this is my vocation - one of my favorite topics. I don't feel, for example, compelled to weave as some writers feel compelled to tell the story. It's something I do.

Lynne, is it? Well, that makes me feel better. I do feel like a right old fraud sometimes, because it could have been anything - writing, flower arrangement, or organizing events...