Nope, Nothing about Weaving in This Post. Again!

WARNING: This is yet another Drama Queen/Tanty/Hissy Fit post, guaranteed not to enrich your life or weaving experience. How long can I go on in this state???

I think the universe is conspiring against me. I said that already, did I? OK, then I'm deliberately moving slowly like a five-year-old who's just been asked to pick up his room. I said that, too?

OK, today was the worst day of my life in a wee while. I'll try to be short and sharp because I supposedly quit this whining things a few days ago, but when multiple people and events unwittingly hold you back or get in your way, it doesn't lesson my paranoia, does it! I hate falling in to this defeatist place, but I'm hanging by the skin of my teeth.

Tuesday, after I finished making the reggae warp, I was exhausted I sat on the living room floor. For about seven hours. Then went to bed at 9.30.

Wednesday, Ben had a thing at the hospital, (nothing bad, just a reminder), then we had coffee and scouted Fibre Spectrum one last time. We install in 1.5 days and I haven't even bought dowels. Yip, simple straight-forward dowels with holes it's gonna be. Heck, I haven't even touched the scarves since they came off the loom. The fourth, short, error-ridden one, I decided, has to go in because it's too delicious in terms of my transition, and I've no time to fiddle with the reggae warp before Saturday.

Wednesday afternoon, I had my head down and bum... on the chair working away on the application, When I finally heard back I can have an extension, but perhaps I had already heard from someone else? Well, NO! She had computer problems. Told ya, I believe her, but I knew the permission will come just as I've gathered momentum in finishing it. It'll still save me a few dollars because I can use the regular post, but I've got to do these things when I'm on a roll. I did take a wonderful hour off and worked on the towel exchange, mustn't forget that; it was happy and uplifting! By 1AM, I was pretty happy I had a good draft for the application, too, so I went to bed.

Thursday. I was on a roll and finished the application by 9AM. Had a break, then started on the portfolio. I've never compiled nor even seen an artist's portfolio before, but I had to wing it. I was still planning to get to the copy shop in the afternoon, have these bound and sent off to the North Island.

Out of nowhere Guess Who decided to dismantle my defunct web server, in the middle of our tiny office, spreading bits and parts, including his body parts, all over. He even put something or rather on top of the nice, clean sheets I got out. He even pushed my stuff aside to make room for his, and every time I got up to go to the printer or get more paper, his stuff, including his body parts, was in my way. Well, sorry if I stepped on your toes, but you bloody well knew how much stress I've been under and how today was the last make-or-break day!! So don't give me that attitude when I move your stuff to use the printer!! And I know you're going to read this post so I hope you feel really bad about your behavior today. You're vowed to be my Number One Ally, (I only vowed to fight cleanly,) and though I know you didn't mean to, it didn't help my stress level one bit. You may think I was giving you the silent treatment, but it took all my energy not to burst into tears and try to finish this damn thing so I can mail it, even though I know I'm not gonna get it. Damn, damn, damn!!

I'm OK! Sorry. I'm back.

So it's now 5:30PM and I have compiled a portfolio, if you can call it that. It has descriptions of six of my recent works, photos, and samples I made. I'm loathed to part with my samples, (don't care about finished pieces, but samples are my babies,) and there are 12 of them, so I put my name and contact details at least twice on each of them.

Lessons learned:

1) I kept regurgitating what the nice man at the Employment office told me when we first came to Nelson; 70-80% of job vacancies are filled by the time the advert goes on the paper. I knew it's not productive to dwell on this, and yet I can't help wondering if they've already picked a recipient but need to go through the process for ethical reasons. I could make myself if I stay on this loop, so be happy at least you're finished with it.

2) I don't have decent "portfolio" pics of my work because 99% of the time I'm finishing stuff just in time or behind schedule, and my stuff gets rushed to an exhibition or packed into boxes ASAP. I need descent pics of my work, ergo, I need to finish work a tad earlier.

3) I used the word "knowledge" a lot, and started to replace it with "skills". I think it's indicative that I love to be exposed to new ideas (input), but have a hard time "learning" nd then actually applying them (output). Kind of like when you learn a new word, you have to use it to really know it?? If you don't use the word, it's only half good to you, and there are so many things I know I read up on or used to know, but don't know any more because I don't use them. Something like that.

4) I had hoped to have a couple of practicing artists and a couple of art administrators have a glance at my package before I sent them. Fate intervened this time, but think it still might be good to get constructive criticism because... I mean... the portfolio can only get better for starters.

5) I'm in it so deep now I can't even dig myself out. I'll go to the copy shop and the post office first thing, then Figure Drawing - I could skip it and gain a couple of hours, but I think I need it for my mental health. Then I have only tomorrow afternoon to finish the four scarves, write up a blurb, and think of which piece goes where and if I'm gonig to use two long dowels or if we're going to cut them to length. We'll probably rush to the hardware store first thing Saturday morning and arrive at Fibre Spectrum at 10AM.

Sorry about the drama. Couldn't have done without you, though you could have done without my fit. Now I'm off to clean one knee rug so that can reach Blenheim, by post, by Saturday 5PM. And Ben's not sticking his foot out any more.


Geodyne said...

It sounds like Ben learned a lesson in where to put his feet, as well!

I learned many years ago that the definition of stress was putting together your very first grant application, solo and in a vacuum. You poor stressed thing - but at least it's over and you don't have to worry about it now.

Anonymous said...

I hope you will consider accepting the first Cally Booker Award for Portfolio Prepared under Pressure. You are an outstanding candidate and beat the pants off the rest of the shortlist. Well done!

Meg said...

Geodyne, maybe. But he forgets. A lot. If we do another remodeling or if we ever build a house, I'm going to install bathroom lights that automatically shuts off if you're not there, for starters. Writing CV and applying for things isn't really fun, is it. I mean, I loved the part where I built a program for myself and contacted tutors and negotiated course contents, but how do you say, "Please, please, please, I want this so bad!!" in a persuasive, sophisticated way?

Cally, what a friend! Thanks, though I don't know what to call this thing - a train wreck? Not a portfolio. I'm almost afraid to find out what a proper portfolio looks like, lest I wither in embarrassment and blow away in the wind... Gosh, I'm tired, I don't know what I'm saying and I'm too tired to read back or erase it! At least it's not wet, like the time I submitted my project proposal for Re:fine 17 months ago! I had this proposal that was mysterious and supposedly Middle Eastern, but I didn't have a lot of spices that smelled Middle Eastern that day, so I mixed cinnamon in instant coffee and painted the front and back cover with it. The kind of thing you do when you don't know what an artist's proposal looks like and you've been working on it for 13 hours straight, and it's the last ditch begging time. It was wet and all wobbly and ... didn't smell at all!

OK, I think it's time I stopped disclosing my various idiotic attempts. Good night, ladies.

Anonymous said...

I love it! Next time I get tea stains on a report I'm going to call it an artistic flourish!

Meg said...

I think it was in the 80's - dyeing fabric and possibly yarns with tea and coffee was a big thing in Japan. This predates the 90's resurgence of knitting, so it must have been a purely color thing. A good portion of the "crafty" women were... divided into Tea vs Coffee fans! Just last week Mom said she's going to dye something with either... Gee, I'm such an ignoramus when it comes to dyeing...

Anonymous said...


Meg said...

PANT, PANT, PANT... (See my tail wagging?) I think I'm running on fume today. I can't stop talking, and yet my movements are annoyingly slow.

Dianne said...

Its a "man thing" Meg. Also something to do with multitasking or the lack of, just concentrating on what they're doing.
We get so used to having "our territory" to ourselves during the day its doubly hard when stressed to be invaded.
Sorry Ben, you may never be allowed to retire.

Meg said...

I was telling Ronette about this during class this morning, and she started laughing because she knows Ben well and she could just picture Ben on the floor with all the bits spread out...

But seeing as he's become a good installation helper, I think I'll keep him.