Tuesday, May 25, 2010

That is Part of Me, Too

Some of my friends have told me in recent years to stop telling so many self-deprecating jokes. This is hard because I've been doing it at least half my life, and pretty consistently at that.

I'm 52 and when I turned 50 I made a conscious effort not to talk about the bad things my parents did to me, the mean things they said. At least to keep them all to myself, and I renewed that resolve on my birthday this year.

Friday night at an all girls' post luck dinner, I was at it again. But I was aware I of what I was doing, and I kept at it, not because I wanted attention or had nothing else to say, but because the stories I have to tell are quite funny. And you know what? All that is part of me. They are part of, (well, all of???) the origins of my issues, what motivate me to behave/react in certain ways, my world view, and in particular, the cynicism and self-criticism that are the first port of call whenever I have a quiet moment. And probably why I remain an upbeat depressed person, even when I am depressed, which I am not just now.

So I think I only need to choose my audience so as not to bring them down.

The stories are quite funny...

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