* * * Warning: Yet still long-winded, irrational and cryptic in places!! * * *
Woke up several times with bad dreams. The first was a replay of my last four days in Japan in January; I didn't want to leave. In my dream I said so to Mom and packed slowly; in real life we both knew but neither said, and I packed efficiently. Dark-hour thoughts on whether I missed out a lot by living far away from my family for big chunks of my life, or if I won because I escaped dealing with daily drudgery. Regretted always wanting to go somewhere else; I know far more about Minneapolis than Yokohama or Nelson and I was happiest there, but I hate cold winter and I can't go back to being that young. This dream probably brought on by recalling what fun we had putting on that cashmere warp. And having to put that into words.
Then I dreamt my neighbor Neil passed out his/my (?) house and I was to ring the ambulance but couldn't. Neil symbolized my good neighbors (of which I have many) whom I neglected/avoided getting to know in the 12+ years we lived here. Fear of rejection, having to explain why I speak with an American accent, being reprimanded for being shitty gardeners were the most obvious reasons. Not having children made it harder; having a dreadfully shy husband did not help. Neil spent a few months in Antarctica recently; must ask him to show us his photos. Must make the effort. This dream was possibly brought on by the identity exhibit yesterday.
Third dream, I cannot remember. Not significant or symbolic, perhaps; dream analysis fatigue at 5PM more likely. Went right back to sleep this time.
Read Hamish Keith's book in bed until 1PM. Got up only because I've perhaps 50 pages left, and didn't want to finish yet. Absolutely the best New Zealand book I've ever read; one of three best books in my life. Intend to write to Mr Keith expressing gratitude: intend also to collect as much of his writing as possible, as finance allows. Intend to ask everybody if they've read it, and if so, their opinion.
Still not committed, work-wise, to much, but I must now list possibilities to think more rationally.
It's past 4.30, but will spend the rest of the afternoon hemming four scarves and getting them out of my way. I need to post a more coherent rant about the Hamish Keith book, for me, more than for you. You've been warned.
Appreciating, once again, being surrounded by good people: Grae Burton, Kath Bee; Julie, Ann-Marie and Andrea at the Suter; Pat, Ronette, Neil, Ben, Mom, and you among them.